The Attack of the Blond Adonis
by monkaholic
Summary: The gang heads to a ski resort for winter break. Jeff does not approve of the ski instructor. Not one bit.


**Author's Note:** Written for **schmoop_bingo** over on LiveJournal, the prompt was **injury - minor**

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* * *

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For some insane reason the group had decided that it was a brilliant idea to spend their winter break together at a ski resort in the mountains (an all expense paid trip by Pierce, of course). And for some insane reason, Jeff had agreed to come along (he was pretty sure it was the crestfallen expression on Annie's face when she said, "You're really not going?" that finally made him relent). And for some asinine reason, Britta and Shirley were determined to hook Annie up with the Swedish Adonis that was their ski instructor (seriously, it was bad enough that the guy had a head full of long, flowing blond hair, but did he have to have pecks _that_ well defined? It wasn't natural!). And for some truly idiotic reason that he didn't care to explore, Jeff had decided to join the girls for their lesson (even though he already knew how to ski. Expertly, he might add).

"Uh… that lesson is for _girls_, Jeff," Troy said.

"Ha! I always knew that he used too much hair product to call himself a man," Pierce exclaimed.

"You're feeling threatened by all the attention that Svelt is getting, aren't you?" Abed asked with innocent eyes.

"WHAT? _No_," Jeff scoffed. "Of course not. Why would I be? Pffft."

"Maybe because his biceps are bigger than your head?" Troy asked.

"And he has an exotic accent, which I hear is an automatic turn-on for the ladies," Abed said.

Troy nodded.

"Not to mention his hair…" Pierce mumbled.

Jeff slammed his hand down on the table, making the other men in the room jump. "Do NOT mention that moron's hair to me! His hair isn't even in the same _league_ as this masterpiece, you got that?" Jeff said threateningly while pointing at his own beautiful, beautiful hair.

"_Girrrrrl_," Pierce reinforced.

Jeff glared at him.

"What are you guys yelling about?" Annie asked as she was coming down the stairs, and Jeff tried to ignore how his breath hitched for just a second or how his heart seemed to be beating louder than was humanly possible.

"Jeff wants to go to your girly lesson," Troy answered.

"Because he's feeling threatened by all the attention that you guys have been directing towards Svelt," Abed added.

"That's… that's _not_…" Jeff desperately fished around in his head for an excuse, because that was NOT it. He didn't care if he wasn't the center of everyone's attention. He really didn't. Especially Annie's. If she wanted to giggle at some guy's lame jokes and get all breathy and hair flippy every time said guy had his hands all over her in a seemingly innocent yet completely not way, that was of no concern to Jeff. None. _At all_.

As he still wordlessly fumbled around for an excuse, Annie just smiled at him softly and laid a hand on his arm (which suddenly made him feel _very_ warm) and said, "I know."

He let out a breath and felt himself relax completely, because she _did_ know. Sometimes she had this way of knowing exactly what he wanted to say without him actually ever having to say it. It was both frustrating and welcome.

"Why don't you just come snowboarding like the rest of us men?" Pierce asked.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe because I'm not _twelve_?"

Pierce scoffed at this. "I'll have you know, Winger, that snowboarding is a very dignified sport."

"It's true," Troy nodded.

Abed just shrugged.

Jeff turned his head to Annie and whispered, "You get why I don't want to be alone with them, right?"

Annie just gave him a fond smile and shook her head at him (which in turn made him smile, and with anyone else this would make him feel like an idiot, but with Annie it just felt right). She told him to get suited up as she headed out the door.

"Aren't you going to wait for Shirley and Britta?" Jeff asked, shivering from the cold that drifted in as Annie opened the heavy wooden door.

Annie looked over her shoulder, halfway out the door already, and said, "They told me to go on ahead without them. I think they're up to something, actually."

"I wouldn't put it past them," Jeff said with narrowed eyes.

Annie laughed softly and said, "I'll meet you out there."

Jeff stood there for a minute after the door closed, staring at it like she was still there, like he could still feel her presence there in front of him, like he could still smell her flowery perfume, like he was still lost in the precise way that her laugh never failed to surround him in this cocoon of warmth. Like—

"Hey, Kitten, are you going to let us through or not?"

"Ahahaha, you called him a _kitten_. …Wait, is a kitten a girl cat?"

Jeff sighed.

"Oh my god, Pierce!" Aaaaaand there was Britta. "Do you know how offensive it is to refer to a woman as "Kitten"? What if Jeff really was a woman?"

"Then you would have banged him from the beginning."

"PIERCE!"

"What? I just tell it like it is. Don't shoot the messenger."

"Oh my _god_, I can't believe—" and that was when Jeff threw on his coat and went out the door.

* * *

Jeff knew it was irrational to be so worried about Annie being alone with Svelt. It wasn't like Jeff had any claim on her or anything, and she was _clearly_ more experienced in the romance department than she had been a year ago, so, she could take care of herself (they had avoided each other after the Tranny Dance. _His_ avoidance was expected, but Annie never avoided anything that was possibly detrimental to the group, so he took this as a sign that the kiss had just been something that she'd written off as a crazy teenage whim, and even though this had been what he was hoping for, even though she had made it easy for him to avoid the ramifications of the event all together, Jeff had been angry. Stupidly, irrationally angry, and so he had slept with Britta. Again. After she had taken back her "I'm in love with you" declaration. And anything that he might have had with Annie just deteriorated from there. She had called him a few days later and met up with him for lunch, apologized for avoiding him, and before she could say anything else he had randomly blurted out that he had slept with Britta (twice). Yeah, he was a moron. She had gaped at him, said something ridiculous like, "Oh, that's… nice?" and they had spent the rest of their lunch in an awkward silence, and though she had smiled at him as she waved goodbye, he could see the disappointment in her eyes. She was disappointed in him, and somehow this had hurt more than her avoiding him had. She had returned to Greendale for her sophomore year with a new Abercrombie and Fitch clad boyfriend on her arm, who lasted all of two weeks. This was followed by a string of brain-dead douchebags that weren't even close to being good enough for Annie, and part of him wondered if it was his fault even though Annie had never given him reason to believe that it was. In fact, Annie had been frustratingly calm about it all, had no visible trouble whatsoever falling back into their pre-Tranny Dance relationship, and she had even come to him for advice about her boyfriends (which was excruciating, by the way) as if to say, "Hey, this is me, not having any feelings for you! Listen to me talking about my _boyfriend_! Who isn't you!").

So, _yeah_, Jeff and Annie weren't in anything that even resembled a romantic entanglement, and yet… Jeff really, really hated that Annie was out there on the slopes currently having a one-on-one session with Svelt while Britta was busy arguing with Pierce and Shirley was… somewhere else. And this wasn't about him. It really wasn't. It was about _Annie_, and how Annie shouldn't end up with yet another brainless douchebag, because she deserves better than Fabio wannabes with bad teeth (yeah, that's right, his teeth were _awful_).

"Jeff! Hey Jeff, wait up!"

Ah, crap, it was Britta and Shirley. He turned his head and barked, "Hurry up!"

"We can't!" Shirley said excitedly.

"Yeah, we're giving Annie some alone time with Instructor von Hottie."

"Hehe, yeah, they're going to be an item by the end of this trip."

"I highly doubt that."

"And why is that, Jeff?" Britta asked, a little smugly.

"Because Instructor von Bad Teeth is a player, and Annie knows it."

"Augh, for the last time, Jeff, no one cares about his teeth when he has abs of steel. _Abs_ of _steel_."

"You know, I'm a little offended by your objectification of the male form, Britta," Jeff replied with a smirk.

"Oh, shut up."

"I mean, is this the way that you talk about me when I'm not around?"

"Pfft, you _wish_."

"You love me for my body, Britta, we all know it."

"UGH. Just stop it."

"Would you like me to walk ten feet in front of you so that you and Shirley can discuss the firmness of my buttocks?"

"Mmm, that boy does have a nice ass."

"Shirley!"

"What? I'm just saying… oh, like you've never thought it, Britta. You've slept with the man!"

"In two very weak moments, okay? I was obviously delirious or something."

"Or desperately wanting a piece of this very fine ass," Jeff said.

"You're disgusting," Britta said, pushing him and storming off.

* * *

By the time Jeff and Shirley had trudged their way to the lesson site, they found Britta hiding behind a bush, watching Annie and Svelt with some kind of twisted glee on her face.

"_Why_ did you guys think hooking her up with Svelt was a good idea, again?" Jeff asked.

"Because she's been depressed ever since she broke up with Bobby."

"But she was dating that loser for three days. That hardly merits a wistful sigh let alone a state of depression."

"Oh, Jeff," Shirley said in a "oh, you poor man who understands nothing" tone.

"She's not depressed about _Bobby_," Britta said. "She's still not over Vaughn."

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Jeff. You had to have figured out by now that her sudden parade of boyfriends is just a desperate attempt at moving on."

"From _Vaughn_."

"Yes!" both Shirley and Britta answered, a bit perturbed.

"That's… she isn't… how do you know it's about Vaughn?"

"Who else would it be about?"

"No one!" Jeff answered, a bit too quickly.

Britta narrowed her eyes at him but remained silent (thank god).

Jeff stiffened as Annie's high-pitched giggle drifted across the breeze, and he couldn't stop himself from stepping into sight and announcing, "HEY!" as he waved with a smile.

"_Jeff! Jeff! What are you doing!_" he could hear Britta and Shirley whispering behind him, but he chose to ignore them.

Annie caught sight of him, and he couldn't deny the thrill that went through him as a giant smile spread across her face once her eyes met his. It was intoxicating, the way he could make her smile like that simply by being in her presence. "Hey, Jeff!" She looked back at Svelt (who still had his dirty Swedish hands on her hips), and said, "You know Jeff, right? He's my friend! The cool one!"

Jeff laughed to himself, and he was kind of embarrassed that Annie's juvenile description of him made him feel so damn proud of himself.

Svelt looked over at him with a tense smile and said, "Right. Jeff Vingerrr. Ve've met. He left quite an impression."

Jeff smiled as he fondly remembered knocking Svelt in the head with his skis "by accident" the first time he came to the cabin to introduce himself to the girls. Good times, good times.

"Vat can I do for you, Mr. Vingerrr?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Jeff's joining us for the lesson!"

"Really? I've never actually taught a man before."

"Seriously?" Jeff asked, wondering if this guy truly was an instructor.

Just then, Britta came out from around the bush and laid a hand on Jeff's shoulder as she said, "Oh, don't worry Svelt, Jeff here is woman enough for all of us."

"Gee, thanks, Pierce."

Britta just smiled at him.

Annie cleared her throat and pushed an escaped strand of hair back under her snowcap, and she pointedly avoided Jeff's gaze as she said to Svelt, "Can you show me that move again? The jump?"

Svelt put his hands back on Annie's waist and stood flush behind her, guiding her through the movements, and—

"That's wrong!" Jeff heard himself saying. Oh god, what was he doing? "That's all wrong. Do you even know how to ski?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you _know_ how to _ski_?" Jeff asked again, and, yeah, he was heading into douche territory, but he didn't even care at that point.

"I could out-ski you any day of the veek, man." Okay, that just sounded ridiculous with that accent.

"_Please_, you couldn't out-ski a goat."

"A goat?"

"Yes, a goat."

"Do goats ski?"

"That's not important."

"It kind of is," Britta chimed in.

"No, what's important is that _Svelt_ sucks at skiing."

"_Jeff_!" Annie shouted, her eyebrows knit together, her eyes wide and bright, and good god, the woman was even adorable when she was angry. Which he already knew, but it still managed to fascinate him every single time.

"No, it's okay," Svelt said in a falsely jovial voice. "Clearly this guy, this _cool_ friend of yours needs to be taught a lesson."

"Uh, not from you, Jackass, because clearly you can't ski."

"Alright, that's it! Ski-off, Death Mountain, 3:00."

"You're on, Goldie Locks."

"Good."

"_Good_," Jeff said, staring him down until he finally turned around and swooshed down the slope. "Well, okay, maybe he knows how to ski a little."

"Jeff, _Death Mountain_?" Annie asked, her voice reaching shrill mode.

"God, you men and your repressed gay feelings for each other."

"Are… are you sure that's such a good idea, Jeffrey?" Shirley asked. "Death Mountain doesn't sound like a very safe place. It sounds like a place where death happens."

"_Death_, Jeff! Death!"

Jeff took Annie by the shoulders and looked into her eyes as he said, "Don't worry. I know what I'm doing."

* * *

He didn't know what he was doing. He really, really didn't. There were trees and long jumps and rocks and DEAR GOD, DON'T LET HIM DIE.

* * *

"See? I told you I knew what I was doing," Jeff said smugly as he reached the bottom of the mountain with only a few scratches to show for it.

"Really?" Britta asked. "'Cause you were kind of screaming like a little girl."

"That's so sexist, Britta," Jeff shot back at her.

Britta rolled her eyes.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Annie asked, the worry etched in her face. It gave him some kind of weird pleasure to know that she really cared that much.

"Of course I'm all right, it's Svelt you should be worried about."

"Svelt? Why?"

"Because he's probably stuck up there somewhere crying for his mommy."

"Uh, excuse me, man," came an annoyingly familiar accent, "But I made it down the mountain ten minutes ago."

Oh, for the love of— "You can't be serious."

"As serious as breast cancer, actually," he replied.

Jeff narrowed his eyes. "Britta taught you that phrase, didn't she?"

"Possibly."

"Okay, fine, you can ski."

Svelt smiled.

"But you still have the worst teeth known to man."

And that was the moment when Jeff felt a blinding pain in the general area of his face that was normally occupied by his nose. Svelt's fist may have had something to do with it. Jeff hit the ground, clutching his nose, trying to stop the bleeding. "OW! What the hell, Fabio?"

"My teeth are _not_ ugly!" Svelt said hysterically. "They're NOT!" And he ran off crying, making Jeff feel like the giant douche that he was.

"Oh, Jeff," Shirley said in an "I'm so disappointed in you" tone as she walked away.

"Real mature, Jeff," Britta said with disgust, following after Shirley to go console Svelt.

Jeff sighed and ran his hands through his hair, looking down at the white snow and focusing on the steady red drops that soiled it. Then he heard Annie's soft footsteps make their way to him, and he could feel her kneeling down next to him. She put a hand on his back and asked, "Are you okay?"

Jeff laughed humorlessly and said, "Do you really care?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why do you care?" Jeff asked, finally lifting his head from his hands to look at Annie. She looked surprised, or confused, or maybe both. He couldn't blame her, really. "Never mind."

"No! No, I… I care because it's you, Jeff. Because you're my friend. Because I know that in some convoluted way you originally had noble intentions. And because Svelt really does have awful teeth."

"Thank you! They're terrible, right?"

Annie scrunched up her face and said, "Yeah, a little."

Jeff laughed and reached out an arm to half-hug Annie, and without thinking he kissed her forehead. Instead of freaking out (as Britta had done after a similar incident a month ago), she simply laid her head on his shoulder, and they stayed like that for a few minutes, listening to the wind rustle the trees, watching the sun sink lower as the sky turned red, hearing the faint cries of Svelt in the distance. It felt calming, like there was nothing more right in the world than having her in his arms, like having her by his side was what home really felt like.

Annie sighed and said, "We should probably get back to the cabin before dark."

"Yeah," he replied.

"We need to get you cleaned up," she said.

"Yeah," he replied.

Neither of them moved.

* * *

When they got back to the cabin, they were met with a chorus of "Where were you"s and "We were starting to worry"s and (his personal favorite) "Your face looks like it ran into a brick wall, Jeff."

"Thanks, Pierce," Jeff said.

"Oh, you know me, telling it like it is! That's my job!"

"I thought that was Abed's job," Troy said.

"No, I'm more of a theory guy. I make assumptions based off of observed human behavior and apply it to any given situation. Pierce just tells like it is."

"Damn straight!"

"What would we do without you, Pierce?" Jeff asked.

"Well, you sure as hell wouldn't know anything, that's for sure."

Jeff laughed, and he felt ridiculously, ludicrously happy standing there with his arm around Annie (which, thankfully, no one had noticed). And maybe, possibly, perhaps Jeff was willing to admit that this trip hadn't been such an insane idea after all.


End file.
